As a young woman I saw perfect loves in the movies and heard of perfect love stories in ballads on my radio in my hatchback manual Saab.
The idea of a perfect love brainwashed me into thinking all my relationships would be saturated with whisk-me-away-romantic moments. I really at my core believed if I ever had a dispute with one of the men in my life it would only be moments before they would show up on my doorstep (in the rain of course) with an I’m-sorry-bouquet of flowers.
And that NEVER happened.
Darn love stories.
Darn love songs.
In a way I was disappointed.
My expectations gave me a twisted view of myself and others.
I was naive. My expectations for this so called perfect love ruined any relationship I ever had.
How could any of my boyfriends ever have competed with the image I had in my head-comparing them to a soaked and sexy Ryan Gosling on my front doorstep with a drippy bouquet of flowers and begging of my forgiveness?
What I was seeing on the screen and hearing on the radio built up my expectations for perfect love and left me waiting in my home for ‘no one’ soaking wet with a bouquet of hydrangeas at my front door.
I was left questioning all the moves of my significant others. If my boyfriends couldn’t execute love like in the movies and the characters I compared them to I became suspicious of men…suspicious of perfect love… I became suspicious of myself.
I began to believe lies that I just wasn’t good enough for a perfect love and believed that maybe I didn’t deserve love at all.
The combination of all of the above became very dangerous for me and like a ticking time bomb my expectations literally blew up every relationship I had.
I would like to point the finger at culture and the misrepresentation of perfect love on the radio and displayed on the screens we hold in our hands.
However, I think the real person to blame is me and how I visualized love as being perfect right from the beginning.
: having no mistakes or flaws
: completely correct or accurate
: having all the qualities you want in that kind of person, situation, etc.
Anyone really in a loving and committed relationship knows that love is not perfect at all.
How can love be perfect when the two people in love are not perfect themselves?
As a Christian, I believe that on this side of heaven I will never be perfect. I believe that my self absorption, my bitterness with others, my desire to be righteous like God is all so bad that it requires the penalty of Jesus’ dying on the cross in order for me to be right with God.
I believe in a gospel, the good news, that on this earth I will never be perfect but I am loved by my God – even with
I am in process.
I am perfectly imperfect.
Actually I am perfecting.
perfecting: in process of becoming perfect or coming to completion
What I know now is in real life love is not perfect. Love on earth between two people is full of mistakes and blemishes. Love on earth is two flawed people choosing to live and love all the imperfections of one another.
There is a misconception of love in our culture. The idea of perfect love is not only on our screens and radios but it breeds in our expectant minds it is spewing out of our lips.
“Oh, he is perfect” or “You are the perfect couple”.
Sure the idea of perfect love is in the movies but we are perpetuating it with our words.
Loving relationships are not perfect. They are perfecting. Love is the perfect moments mixed in with the refining – imperfect ones. I can tell you with certainty I love my husband more now than I did when I met him. Sure he was charming back then and always on his best behavior but in perfecting love I get to be alongside him as he grows and changes into the better verison of who God is making him to be.
Perfecting love can be tough.
Perfecting love is a love that grows.
Perfecting love goes through seasons of giddiness, gladness, anger, sadness.
Perfecting love experiences disappointment.
Perfecting love dwells in the colder seasons knowing that a new season will come.
Perfecting love makes us better men and women as we walk alongside one another and experience a front row seat in the perfecting process of one another.
I want you to go back to that image of Ryan Gosling soaking wet at your front door with a bouquet of flowers. (Hard to go there I know)
I want you to know it is right to desire this kind of perfect love where from the beginning you are sought after and constantly pursued with a never giving up always and forever kind of love.
I want you to know this kind of love exists but we look for it in a man on earth when this never giving up always and forever kind of pursuing love is actually found in God.
Perfect love is only found when we find it nailed to a cross. Crazy I know but true. The idea of a man loving you so much that he would die for you originated with God. We are hard wired to long for perfect love. You just won’t find it in a boyfriend, fiancé or spouse.
I hope you never find perfect love in any earthly man. I wish you will find perfecting love. The kind of love committed to the process of you being made perfect over a lifetime of some of the coldest and warmest seasons.
And I hope you do not find perfect love anywhere else but on a cross – where a God that loves you so much He died for you. He pursued you. He is still pursing you. He is where you find the man soaking wet on your doorstep pursing you with a never giving up always and forever kind of love.
I hope you don’t find perfect love in anything else but Him.
But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us.