My worst enemy has said the following things to me today:
You are not welcomed.
You are an outsider.
You are a terrible mother.
You are not equipped to be the wife of a pastor.
I want to cut her out of my life because she is toxic. I let my worst enemy distort the way I see myself. I wish I could just stay away from her but all of these statements come from inside myself. I am my biggest obstacle in the Christian life. My thought life is my worst enemy.
In my thoughts I can turn body language into every reason why someone might have an issue with me. I can turn a quick glance into someone not being satisfied with the meal I sent over last week or into a criticism of my parenting.
It’s in my thought life that I can turn the hanger my husband didn’t put away into a reason why he doesn’t love me like Christ loved the church. I let my thoughts turn him into a thoughtless lazy monster instead of a busy pastor in a hurry out the door.
In my thought life I go down the road of over thinking and dissecting conversations to the point of remorse, guilt and regret. My thoughts tell me I talk too much and speak harshly. I seem to leave Bible study overly criticizing myself to the point of discouragement.
I let the poisonous thoughts rule over me and I cannot hear TRUTH. It’s only when I put the poisonous thoughts aside that I can truly hear the Word of God. The Truth of who I am in Christ from my Heavenly Father.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
So I am on a mission to take my worst enemy captive. Every little poisonous thought is going down and being redressed in Truth. When I find myself going down the poisonous road I say…
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)
If it is not true…I am not thinking about it.
If it is not noble…I am not thinking about it.
If it is not right, pure, lovely or admirable, I am not thinking about it. I will only think of the things that are excellent and praiseworthy.
I am BEAUTIFUL. That glance was not even about me.
I am REDEEMED. My parenting is being renewed daily.
I am ACCEPTED. Even if that meal I sent was a little too salty or if I talk a little too much at Bible Study.
My worst enemy is going down. I am taking the poisonous thoughts captive and redressing them in the Truth. I am renewing my mind so I can see myself and others with the eyes of my Savior. I will fight to think of whatever is true and lovely.
I will defeat my worst enemy. With truth.