Today, I saw you in the Target parking lot. I was pulling into Costco in my regular Tasmanian Devil like, chaotic fashion. Swirling around to complete the things which I had signed up to do in love.
I am coming off a hot argument with my husband before he left for a long day of regional travel, a healthy, but hot tension between lovers. Not to mention, a morning of battling a washer which blows the breaker every time is spins, and picking up the itty-bitty pieces of paper off the floor from my developing three and five year old scissor users.
I’m like the Tasmanian Devil flying into Costco today. Mostly because I’m still hot with anger from the previously mentioned tension between lovers… and also, picking up anything tiny off of the floor gives me hives.
Partially I’m all Tasmainian Devilish because I signed up to bring a new mama, to a tribe of now six, a meal. This meal, the thing I signed up to do in love. This meal, intensely important. As a mama to four, I know this meal, is survival to this sweet mama. This meal must get to her. I am also her tribe. She needs food, Costco-sized and because I know how important this meal is, I will fight through the battles of my tension between lovers and itty-bitty pieces of paper to get it to her. Lord knows, a new mama needs Costco-sized food.
I know my Tasmanian Devil behavior is only external. Within my own heart, despite the outward things happening, inwardly I am feeling shame over bringing this new mama a pre-made meal from Costco instead of the homemade chicken enchilada casserole I had initially planned to bring her when I first signed up. A battle I felt tension over, every moment until I saw you in the Target parking lot.
As I pulled into Costco with crazy eyes, I, by the grace of God, spotted you. You were wrapping a present on the hood of your car. I loved you at first sight. Truly. I even took a second and third glance your way while smiling with my lips as well as with my inner being.
You quite possibly could have been wrapping a present for Christmas 2020. But by the grace of God, I saw you. I saw you wrapping a present on the hood of your car and this was a sweet reminder to me of humanity.
Your wrapping the present on the hood of your car, a simple reminder. We are all facing battles. Spoken and unspoken. Macro things and micro things. On a macro level, we are all feeling the weight of politics, race, Puerto Rico, and Las Vegas. We are all feeling the tension of gun laws, hurricane relief, and who should stand or kneel for what reason while the National Anthem is sung. We are all feeling these macro-tensions within our hearts.
On a micro level, most of us experience the hot arguments, the tension between lovers, and can hardly keep the itty-bitty pieces of paper from accumulating on our household floors.
You could have been advance planning. You were radiant, put together. Your car was immaculate. You could have been wrapping for an event far off in the future.
Your presence in the parking lot of Target today, soothed my Tasmanian Devil like behavior. Seeing you wrap a present on the hood of your car, glacing back twice and thrice, quieted the battles of my heart. This act in the parking lot of Target, quieted the battles I had over my own expectations for this meal.
Homemade, pre-made. We are all human, and we are all trying to love one another amidst the macro and micro battles going on in our hearts. We are all wrapping presents on the hoods of our cars. We are all trying to love despite our Tasmanian Devil like chaos.
To love in the Tasmanian Devil like chaos is better than to stick to appearing perfect and to not love at all.
To the woman in the Target parking lot, thank you for wrapping a present on the hood of your car. It was medicine for my own heart. When I saw you, I saw myself wrapping presents on the hood of cars and this simple thing quieted my soul.