I Hope You Don’t Find Perfect Love…

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As a young woman I saw perfect loves in the movies and heard of perfect love stories in ballads on my radio in my hatchback manual Saab.

The idea of a perfect love brainwashed me into thinking all my relationships would be saturated with whisk-me-away-romantic moments. I really at my core believed if I ever had a dispute with one of the men in my life it would only be moments before they would show up on my doorstep (in the rain of course) with an I’m-sorry-bouquet of flowers.

And that NEVER happened.

Darn love stories.

Darn love songs.

In a way I was disappointed.

My expectations gave me a twisted view of myself and others.

I was naive. My expectations for this so called perfect love ruined any relationship I ever had.

How could any of my boyfriends ever have competed with the image I had in my head-comparing them to a soaked and sexy Ryan Gosling  on my front doorstep with a drippy bouquet of flowers and begging of my forgiveness?

What I was seeing on the screen and hearing on the radio built up my expectations for perfect love and left me waiting in my home for ‘no one’ soaking wet with a bouquet of hydrangeas at my front door.

I was left questioning all the moves of my significant others. If my boyfriends couldn’t execute love like in the movies and the characters I compared them to I became suspicious of men…suspicious of perfect love… I became suspicious of myself.

I began to believe lies that I just wasn’t good enough for a perfect love and believed that maybe I didn’t deserve love at all.

The combination of all of the above became very dangerous for me and like a ticking time bomb my expectations literally blew up every relationship I had.

I would like to point the finger at culture and the misrepresentation of perfect love on the radio and displayed on the screens we hold in our hands.

However, I think the real person to blame is me and how I visualized love as being perfect right from the beginning.

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Perfect:

: having no mistakes or flaws

: completely correct or accurate

: having all the qualities you want in that kind of person, situation, etc.

Anyone really in a loving and committed relationship knows that love is not perfect at all.

How can love be perfect when the two people in love are not perfect themselves?

As a Christian, I believe that on this side of heaven I will never be perfect. I believe that my self absorption, my bitterness with others, my desire to be righteous like God is all so bad that it requires the penalty of Jesus’ dying on the cross in order for me to be right with God.

I believe in a gospel, the good news, that on this earth I will never be perfect but I am loved by my God – even with

my imperfections.

I am in process.

I am perfectly imperfect.

Actually I am perfecting.

perfecting: in process of becoming perfect or coming to completion

What I know now is in real life love is not perfect. Love on earth between two people is full of mistakes and blemishes. Love on earth is two flawed people choosing to live and love all the imperfections of one another.

There is a misconception of love in our culture. The idea of perfect love is not only on our screens and radios but it breeds in our expectant minds it is spewing out of our lips.

 “Oh, he is perfect” or “You are the perfect couple”.

Sure the idea of perfect love is in the movies but we are perpetuating it with our words.

Loving relationships are not perfect. They are perfecting. Love is the perfect moments mixed in with the refining – imperfect ones. I can tell you with certainty I love my husband more now than I did when I met him. Sure he was charming back then and always on his best behavior but in perfecting love I get to be alongside him as he grows and changes into the better verison of who God is making him to be.

Perfecting love can be tough.

Perfecting love is a love that grows.

Perfecting love goes through seasons of giddiness, gladness, anger, sadness.

Perfecting love experiences disappointment.

Perfecting love dwells in the colder seasons knowing that a new season will come.

Perfecting love makes us better men and women as we walk alongside one another and experience a front row seat in the perfecting process of one another.

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Truth connection:

I want you to go back to that image of Ryan Gosling soaking wet at your front door with a bouquet of flowers. (Hard to go there I know)

I want you to know it is right to desire this kind of perfect love where from the beginning you are sought after and constantly pursued with a never giving up always and forever kind of love.

I want you to know this kind of love exists but we look for it in a man on earth when this never giving up always and forever kind of pursuing love is actually found in God.

Perfect love is only found when we find it nailed to a cross. Crazy I know but true. The idea of a man loving you so much that he would die for you originated with God. We are hard wired to long for perfect love. You just won’t find it in a boyfriend, fiancé or spouse.

I hope you never find perfect love in any earthly man. I wish you will find perfecting love. The kind of love committed to the process of you being made perfect over a lifetime of some of the coldest and warmest seasons.

And I hope you do not find perfect love anywhere else but on a cross – where a God that loves you so much He died for you. He pursued you. He is still pursing you. He is where you find the man soaking wet on your doorstep pursing you with a never giving up always and forever kind of love.

I hope you don’t find perfect love in anything else but Him.

Romans 5:8

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us.

Don’t Give Me Diamonds

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We got engaged on Valentine’s Day and you gave me a diamond. That was eight years ago.

In eight years we have lived in three cities, had four different jobs, one master’s degree and four kids.

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Eight years ago on that night I imagined Prince Charming and Cinderella. Gazing and frolicking into eternity. I knew the words from 1 Corinthians 13 but I had no idea what they meant.

Love is patient, love is kind. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

This Valentine’s Day eight years later, I have learned that love is so much more precious than diamonds. Sweeter than candy. More beautiful than a bouquet of radiant red roses.

Love is a choice. Built on hard work and moments together that are not as “frolicky” and glamorous as I thought they might be.

Eight years later I am thankful that we have chosen to love in all of our moments, the good and the bad. We have persevered through the pressure cooker of four kids in less than five years.  We have built a life together.

We have moments more important than diamonds.

This Valentine’s Day I don’t want the diamonds or the gifts. I just want you.

I want your time and your laugh.

I want you holding our baby daughter late at night.

I want you leaning over the twin sized bed in our son’s room; teaching him the Doxology and explaining what the word “faith” means.

I want you to swim with our sons and toss them around in the water.

I want you in the driver’s seat of our minivan when the sunlight hits your graying temples and I can see how our moments together have aged you.

I want you in the good and the bad. Even when I make you crazy mad and upset with me.

I want you to love me in this postpartum mess of emotions and elastic pants.

I want your patience, kindness and faithfulness even when I don’t deserve it.

I want your southern smile when I ask you to take a trash bag of stinky diapers outside in the polar vortex and ice and snow.

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After eight years I don’t want the diamonds or the flowers or chocolates. I just want the moments.

Not the frolicky. Not the glamorous.

The kissing before we’ve brushed our teeth with four kids in between us moments.

The love is patient, love is kind moments of everyday life.

The moments when we go on a date in our sweatpants because we are too tired to get dressed.

The moments that prove we have chosen love. We have chosen one another. We have persevered through the good and the bad.

That is an always and forever kind of love.

Please this Valentine’s Day, I just want you. I want you next to me even if it’s in our sweatpants on the couch with a bag of Kirkland popcorn.

No diamonds. Just you. Just the way you are. With your graying temples and my more rounded hips.

Continue to just give me the moments. It is not in the frolicking or the glamor but in the real moments of our life together when I experience the 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love.

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The BEST Plan Ahead Meals

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If you ask, you shall receive. Here are the meals I cooked and put in my freezer this morning. There are ten bags, each bag will feed my family for two nights. Because I have some meals leftover from last month and February is a few days shy of a real month I will not cook again until March.

i want you to know I am not a good cook. I just need to plan ahead with four kids and a husband who has a sometimes unpredictable schedule.

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I shopped yesterday at Sam’s and Kroger in under a hour and my grocery bill was around $250.

I spent about two hours this morning prepping, bagging and labeling the food while my kids watched a movie and I spent probably forty five minutes perusing websites for ideas and writing them all on my calendar for when we will eat them.

So time spent shopping, cooking and planning was about 3 hours and 45 minutes.

You can do this in under four hours.

You go girl.
This meal is has some special WildTree ingredients. You can find their stuff at http://www.wildtree.com.

Smoked Mozzarella and Tomato Meatloaf
1 pound lean ground beef
1 pound lean ground turkey (I skipped this and doubled the beef)
1 sleeve low-sodium saltine crackers, crushed (I used breadcrumbs)
2 eggs, beaten
1 med yellow onion, diced
1 clove garlic, minced (or 1-2 tsp Garlic Galore blend)
1 tsp black pepper
4 Tbsp Wildtree Smoked Mozzarella and Tomato Blend

I will thaw this in the fridge and cook in the crockpot on low for 5-6 hours then top with ketchup for the last 30 minutes.
The Best Burgers EVER!
2 pounds ground beef
1 tsp Wildtree Chipotle Lime Rub (OR 1 tsp Cajun Seasoning)
1 tsp Wildtree Rancher Steak Rub & Seasoning

I will thaw in the fridge and then patty the burgers and cook in the skillet. Last month I made these sliders with bacon and muenster cheese on top. Delicious.

 

Slow cooker chicken teriyaki

1/2 cup teriyaki sauce
1/2 cup chicken broth
1/3 cup brown sugar, packed
1/4 cup soy sauce
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon sesame oil
3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

This will just be dumped right in the crock pot from frozen. High for 4-6 hours.

Www.damndelicious.net

 

Easy Crock Pot pulled Pork
5-6 lb pork roast (boneless or bone in, either works!)
2 onions, thinly sliced
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 cups broth (beef, chicken, or vegetable)
salt & pepper

Cook on high for 6-8 hours, or until it’s falling apart and easy to shred. Enjoy!
**If you are freezing this recipe, just dump all the ingredients into the freezer bag and freeze. Allow to thaw overnight in the fridge, then just dump in the crockpot and cook 🙂

http://www.whoneedsacape.com

 

Cranberry Pork Tenderloin

1 pork tenderloin (1 pound)
1 can (14 ounces) whole-berry cranberry sauce
1/2 cup orange juice
1/4 cup sugar
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 teaspoon ground mustard
1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
2 tablespoons cornstarch
3 tablespoons cold water

http://www.tasteofhome.com

 

Applesauce Barbeque Chicken

4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
1/2 t ground pepper
2/3 cup chunky applesauce
2/3 cup BBQ sauce (I used Brown Sugar/Hickory)
2 T brown sugar
1 t chili powder

Thaw
Cook 6-8 hours on low setting. Serves 4.
http://www.whoneedsacape.com

 

Chicken Tacos
3 Boneless skinless chicken breasts
1/4 cup taco seasoning

Dump into crockpot frozen
Add 1 cup water
Cook on high 6 hours

 

Beef Tortellini Soup
http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/slow-cooker-beef-tortellini-soup/f09fea6a-6916-4cf2-ac97-b494c1832bd6
1lb cooked ground beef
1large onion, chopped (3/4 cup)
1large carrot, chopped (3/4 cup)
1medium stalk celery, chopped (1/2 cup)
2cloves garlic, finely chopped
1teaspoons sugar
1can (14.5 oz) diced tomatoes, undrained
2cans (10 1/2 oz each) condensed beef consommé
1teaspoon dried basil leaves
2cups frozen cheese-filled tortellini
1cup Green Giant® Valley Fresh Steamers™ frozen cut green beans

Thaw in fridge
Crock on low 8 hours

 

Hearty Spaghetti Sauce

1pound cooked ground beef
1 tablespoon Italian seasoning
1 large jar Spaghetti Sauce

From Frozen place in crock pot on high for 3-4 hours

 

Tortellini
1 bag tortellini
1 jar spaghetti sauce

Dump in crock pot from frozen low 3 hours.

 

Freezer Mac N Cheese

I did not make this one today but I will make a double batch and have two 9x13s in my freezer. I did this last month and my family loVEd this Mac n cheese.

1 pound cavatappi pasta, (I like penne)
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
3 tablespoons butter
3 tablespoons flour
3 cups milk
3 cups NY aged sharp cheddar (12 ounces), grated
Serves 4-6

PREPARATION

Pre-heat broiler to high or oven to 400°F.

Place a large pot of water over high heat and bring it up to a boil to cook the pasta. Once at a boil, add some salt and the pasta, and cook just shy of al dente, according to package directions.

While the pasta is cooking, heat a medium-size skillet over medium heat and add the butter. When the butter melts, add the flour and cook about a minute. Whisk in the milk, season with salt and ground black pepper, and bring up to a bubble. Turn the burner off and stir in the cheese in a figure-eight motion until it’s all melted.

When the pasta is done, drain it well and combine with sauce. Pour into baking dish and place under the broiler in or the oven to brown the cheese and enjoy.

Make a double batch, pour the pasta into a baking dish and stir in your favorite mix in. Let it stand on the counter until cooled, then wrap in plastic wrap and pop in the freezer. When you’re ready to eat it, it can go straight from the freezer into in a 400ºF oven. Cook for 1 hour, covered with foil, the take the foil off and bake for another 15-20 minutes to brown the top.

http://www.rachaelray.com

 

My Husband’s Birthday

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I have read stories of husbands and wives going on weekend trips to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries.

My heart longs with envy when I read of these things. We live a much more simple life here in this house and weekend getaways just are not a reality for us right now.

We have lots of kids, all under five and we are expecting number four in about two months so finding someone willing to even stay with our kids is challenging – not to mention a pregnant lady in her third trimester would not be the best weekend getaway buddy.

So the weekend getaway was not going to happen for us this year on my husband’s birthday.

Husbands Birthday

i thought of things that he might like but decided we don’t really need another gadget or tool around here.

So I went back to the basics and I came up with the perfect idea for my husband’s birthday.

Fourteen planned, paid for and babysitter arranged date nights.

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It’s basic, simple, perfect and aligns with our family goals for the year. My husband have been working hard to get away from the kids and enjoy one another weekly for the sake of our marriage.

With all these babies around us it has been difficult to connect as husband and wife without the titles of mommy and daddy. I knew he would appreciate planned date nights for the next four months.

When I told the kids about my husband’s present they wanted to join in on the fun too. So I planned a free activity for each of them to have one on one time with their dad and they each will get to have a meal with my husband at their favorite fast food establishment.

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i started planning about three weeks ago. I looked at our calendars and made a list of dates.

I then emailed a long list of kind hearted friends and family members to sign up for free babysitting. This is truly a collaborative effort and with the exception of two dates being covered by my husband’s sister the other twelve were quickly filled by friends from church.

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Finally I went out to get the gift cards. Each envelope has a gift card or cash enclosed based on what we are doing. I tried to buy all the gift cards at Kroger and I purchased the local small business gift cards with cash so my husband couldn’t track my spending.

And there you have it. Date nights set for the next four months even with a new baby coming in the middle of all of it.

This only cost a little under 300 dollars. Like I said we live a pretTy simple life.

Happy Birthday to my husband and cheers to my married life with him.

Find more to the story here… I love to write about “Redeeming Date Night.”