Whatever Is Lovely…About My Husband

April 5, 2013February 5, 20143 Comments

My worst enemy seems to prodding at my husband lately. In my thought life I have found myself majoring on the minors and letting my toxic thoughts affect my relationship with him.

When I say it out loud it sounds silly.

The ice cream dish in the sink… what a monster.

The hanger left out from ironing his shirt…he can’t get it together.

The shaving cream in the sink…what a despicable man.

These are truly the things that ruffle my feathers about my husband; dirty dishes, hangers and shaving cream. The toxicity in my mind no matter how much I hate to admit it contaminates my relationship with my husband. Sometimes I am mad at him before he even gets home from work because I have let my mind fester on these minor imperfections.

My worst enemy wins when I don’t fight against negative thoughts about my husband.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

I saw an image of my husband from this past Easter Sunday. He is an important man and just like all the other men of our church he was in his blazer, dress pants and pressed shirt on Sunday morning. However, he was not in the worship service, he was in a small room across the hall with the preschool children.

He was singing songs with them and laying on the floor with them, in his fancy Sunday clothes. I don’t know many people who are truly joyful about serving with children on Easter Sunday but he is and I know for sure you would not find me laying on the ground in my Easter outfit being silly with the children.

These are the lovely images and thoughts about my husband I am working to focus my mind on. The humble man laying on the ground with the tiny worshippers of our church, the mountain top moments where I can see the whole picture of who God is making my husband to be in Christ.

Your worst enemy might be attacking your husband too. Or maybe your roommate, your parents or your children.

How can you give them more grace in your thought life? Can you find a mountain top moment to battle the little annoyances that might go through your mind throughout the day?

I am battling to give my husband more grace in my thought life. To focus on the lovely instead of the dishes, hangers and shaving cream. He deserves for me to see him as Christ sees him. The redeemed prince, on the floor in his suit, praising Jesus with the little children.

Conflict Resolution (onewiththepastor.com)
My Worst Enemy (onewiththepastor.com)

Make Serving More Simple

March 25, 2013July 27, 20151 Comment

Years ago I remember seeing the emails in my inbox from our church about providing meals for members of my church family. Back then, a small wave of panic would was over me.

I wanted to serve but the task of adding something to my already full plate left me feeling overwhelmed. My worst enemy (me) would justify my reasons not to sign up. I would tell myself things like: You are not the best cook and you are just too busy.

Years have passed from those days of insecurity and self justification and I now have had four c-sections in under a five year period.

I now know the great blessing of a homemade meal to a mother in need.

Over the years I have not transformed into Ina Garten and with four littles I am busier than ever but I have realized that the needs of a new mother or a sick mother are greater than my insecurites about my cooking or how busy I think I am.

Here is what is working for me.

I cook what I know. I have a recipe for chicken salad and I can make it in my sleep. It is easy and delicious, filled with fruit and our family can eat it for days on sandwich rolls, tortillas or crackers.

I cook what I can double or even triple. My family has to eat too so I just double the recipe and divide the chicken salad into two family sized portions. If there are two families in our church needing meals I always sign up to bring them meals on the same day. If I can double the recipe it is no big deal to triple it either.

I never ask for anything back. If you have ever been a new mom you know the details of thank you notes and returning items from church brought meals seem to only cross your mind during the middle of the night while you are awake with a newborn.

I have been a new mom too so I include a “no thank you note” disclaimer. The omission of the thank you note and the freedom to not worry about returning my Tupperware become part of the gift. I believe new moms should take the time spent on writing me a thank you note either holding their new precious babe, surviving or sleeping.

I have recently drafted this little note to attach to my “meal bags”

Upon eating this food you are agreeing to the following terms.

You will not return any returnable items in this bag or the bag itself but instead pay it forward by reusing the items next time you bring someone a meal.

You may absolutely not write a thank you note. This gift is an expression of me using my gifts for the glory of God. Instead of a note thank God in your prayers tonight. Thank you notes praise (wo)men, prayers praise the Only One worthy of praise.

If you love it, steal it!

Make serving others more simple. The needs of a new mother or a sick friend are so much greater than our (sometimes) perfectionist expectations.

Take Off Your Cape

March 4, 2013March 28, 20142 Comments

Most of the time I am really full of myself and I have my superhero moments:

I am a mom, I am a woman, I can take it all on.

Today was one of those days. I am on two different antibiotics and three over the counters but hey, the show must go on. My boys have their first swimming lessons and I am not going to let my wimpy immune system get in the way.

I tie the cape around my neck and head out the door.

As always, I am squeaking into the community center parking lot right on time. Not a minute to spare. I like the drama of cutting it close.

We prayed and prayed for a parking spot. I saw some tail lights come on but another aggressive mom swooped in with a suburban, put her blinker on and gave me the evil eye.

Okay, you take the spot, I have my cape, bring it on.

I pull onto the curb and unload. It is raining and 40 degrees and my two year old lays down on the curb and cries, he wants me to hold him.

In cape mode I pull him along tears and all.

I literally pushed my toddler in with my foot as I was holding the heavy door with one hand and holding my baby in the other.

I am so consumed with myself, my cape and my ability to do it all despite my kryptonite illness; I hand my traumatized toddler to the girls in childcare and swoop onto swimming lessons.

The cape has covered up my ability to see the damage I am actually causing.

My oldest got to his lesson and I had to quickly head back out to the parking lot to legally park in a space. On my way back to the gym my heart was heavy.

As I slowed down the tie around my neck from the cape started to come undone.

My poor toddler. How traumatic to be frantically dragged into the childcare at the community center?

With the cape off I took the time to stop in and scoop up the sweet boy.

With the cape off I could see my need for repentance; to say I am sorry for kicking him through the door and into the arms of strangers.

In light of eternity, taking a minute to console my toddler is much more kingdom worthy than being punctual for a swimming lesson.

Finally poolside and I finally caught my oldest son’s eyes in the chaos of this morning.

He was sobbing.

With the superhero cape on and all the swooping, I officially damaged two of my children.

In my attempts to be a superhero I actually failed both the children I was trying to impress by getting them to their lesson on time.

My oldest left the pool and clung to me. Through his sobs he said, “Mommy, you left me and I couldn’t see you. I was scared.”

I did leave him. It was my fault. With the cape on I couldn’t see the effects of my superhero behavior. The cape was covering up the damage I was actually causing.

In light of eternity, being punctual for swimming lessons is not that important.

Sometimes when our intentions are good, when as moms we are trying to do what we think is the right thing for our kids, we actually hurt them in the process.

I was a disaster to my boys this morning all for the sake of swooping into a swimming lesson on time.

My superhero intentions were harmful.

The real superhero moments happened when I removed the cape. When I forgot about saving the day I was able to find that my kryptonite was actually inside of me.

“His power is made perfect in weakness. His grace is sufficient for me.”

The superhero moments of the gospel are the opportunities to cling to the fact that His grace is sufficient.

I am weak. I can’t hide behind the cape. God does not expect that of me.

When I untie the cape I can see His grace is sufficient for me.