I didn’t want to read her book.
I have a hard time reading her words and even viewing her beautiful face and smile in the pictures spread across the pages of her story, my heart can’t help but see my own mother. Kara’s story takes me back to being a teenager and all the memories of watching my own mother die to cancer.
Her words make me weep. Big ugly chest heaving tears.
I was afraid to go there. I was afraid to cry.
I’ve always believed these weeping tears were a sign of my weakness. For as long as I can remember I have tried to muster up the strength to dry my tears, pull up my boot straps and carry on. I’m the firstborn and in my unbelief and independence I, as the firstborn did not give myself permission to shed many tears when my mother died.
My heart has been bruised from hiding my tears; like all those saved up tears have gathered up and damaged my heart somehow; maybe even calloused my heart too. But Kara, her story, her bravery and her relentless hope; I have found a treasure in her words through rolling tears and my swollen face.
Kara writes about tears in one of her latest blog posts:
“So weep, count your tears, look at your swollen face and know it is the fruit of love. It hurts like hell, but that pain from love- well it may be beauty at it’s purest.”
These words have turned my former thoughts about tears upside down and inside out.
Tears are not weakness at all.
Her words bring healing to my soul. The tears are the fruit of love for my mother. It hurts like hell but the crying is the fruit of the love for my mother. I could cry everyday and know that shedding a tear is not weak, the tears are beautiful and proof of a never ending love for my mother. I am able to meet her in my tears.
Kara’s words move me to see Jesus holding the broken.
“In your shattered state, do you see how Jesus sees every broken shard?” -Kara Tippetts
I was afraid to let myself cry over her book. I was afraid to be weak and be broken over her story. If I would have lived in fear of the tears I would have missed an amazing treasure. A treasure of grace and healing for my bruised heart of pent up tears.
Pick up her book now. Today. Let the tears come. You will find a treasure for your heart too.
Follow more of Kara’s story here: