Whatever Is Lovely…About My Husband

April 5, 2013February 5, 20143 Comments

My worst enemy seems to prodding at my husband lately. In my thought life I have found myself majoring on the minors and letting my toxic thoughts affect my relationship with him.

When I say it out loud it sounds silly.

The ice cream dish in the sink… what a monster.

The hanger left out from ironing his shirt…he can’t get it together.

The shaving cream in the sink…what a despicable man.

These are truly the things that ruffle my feathers about my husband; dirty dishes, hangers and shaving cream. The toxicity in my mind no matter how much I hate to admit it contaminates my relationship with my husband. Sometimes I am mad at him before he even gets home from work because I have let my mind fester on these minor imperfections.

My worst enemy wins when I don’t fight against negative thoughts about my husband.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

I saw an image of my husband from this past Easter Sunday. He is an important man and just like all the other men of our church he was in his blazer, dress pants and pressed shirt on Sunday morning. However, he was not in the worship service, he was in a small room across the hall with the preschool children.

He was singing songs with them and laying on the floor with them, in his fancy Sunday clothes. I don’t know many people who are truly joyful about serving with children on Easter Sunday but he is and I know for sure you would not find me laying on the ground in my Easter outfit being silly with the children.

These are the lovely images and thoughts about my husband I am working to focus my mind on. The humble man laying on the ground with the tiny worshippers of our church, the mountain top moments where I can see the whole picture of who God is making my husband to be in Christ.

Your worst enemy might be attacking your husband too. Or maybe your roommate, your parents or your children.

How can you give them more grace in your thought life? Can you find a mountain top moment to battle the little annoyances that might go through your mind throughout the day?

I am battling to give my husband more grace in my thought life. To focus on the lovely instead of the dishes, hangers and shaving cream. He deserves for me to see him as Christ sees him. The redeemed prince, on the floor in his suit, praising Jesus with the little children.

Conflict Resolution (onewiththepastor.com)
My Worst Enemy (onewiththepastor.com)

My Worst Enemy

March 13, 2013March 14, 20163 Comments

My worst enemy has said the following things to me today:

You are not welcomed.

You are an outsider.

You are a terrible mother.

You are not equipped to be the wife of a pastor.

I want to cut her out of my life because she is toxic. I let my worst enemy distort the way I see myself. I wish I could just stay away from her but all of these statements come from inside myself. I am my biggest obstacle in the Christian life. My thought life is my worst enemy.

In my thoughts I can turn body language into every reason why someone might have an issue with me. I can turn a quick glance into someone not being satisfied with the meal I sent over last week or into a criticism of my parenting.

It’s in my thought life that I can turn the hanger my husband didn’t put away into a reason why he doesn’t love me like Christ loved the church. I let my thoughts turn him into a thoughtless lazy monster instead of a busy pastor in a hurry out the door.

In my thought life I go down the road of over thinking and dissecting conversations to the point of remorse, guilt and regret. My thoughts tell me I talk too much and speak harshly. I seem to leave Bible study overly criticizing myself to the point of discouragement.

I let the poisonous thoughts rule over me and I cannot hear TRUTH. It’s only when I put the poisonous thoughts aside that I can truly hear the Word of God. The Truth of who I am in Christ from my Heavenly Father.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
So I am on a mission to take my worst enemy captive. Every little poisonous thought is going down and being redressed in Truth. When I find myself going down the poisonous road I say…

If it is not noble…I am not thinking about it.

If it is not right, pure, lovely or admirable, I am not thinking about it. I will only think of the things that are excellent and praiseworthy.

I am LOVED. The hanger left out by my husband means nothing.

I am BEAUTIFUL. That glance was not even about me.

I am REDEEMED. My parenting is being renewed daily.

I am ACCEPTED. Even if that meal I sent was a little too salty or if I talk a little too much at Bible Study.

My worst enemy is going down. I am taking the poisonous thoughts captive and redressing them in the Truth. I am renewing my mind so I can see myself and others with the eyes of my Savior. I will fight to think of whatever is true and lovely.

I will defeat my worst enemy. With truth.

Take Off Your Cape

March 4, 2013March 28, 20142 Comments

Most of the time I am really full of myself and I have my superhero moments:

I am a mom, I am a woman, I can take it all on.

Today was one of those days. I am on two different antibiotics and three over the counters but hey, the show must go on. My boys have their first swimming lessons and I am not going to let my wimpy immune system get in the way.

I tie the cape around my neck and head out the door.

As always, I am squeaking into the community center parking lot right on time. Not a minute to spare. I like the drama of cutting it close.

We prayed and prayed for a parking spot. I saw some tail lights come on but another aggressive mom swooped in with a suburban, put her blinker on and gave me the evil eye.

Okay, you take the spot, I have my cape, bring it on.

I pull onto the curb and unload. It is raining and 40 degrees and my two year old lays down on the curb and cries, he wants me to hold him.

In cape mode I pull him along tears and all.

I literally pushed my toddler in with my foot as I was holding the heavy door with one hand and holding my baby in the other.

I am so consumed with myself, my cape and my ability to do it all despite my kryptonite illness; I hand my traumatized toddler to the girls in childcare and swoop onto swimming lessons.

The cape has covered up my ability to see the damage I am actually causing.

My oldest got to his lesson and I had to quickly head back out to the parking lot to legally park in a space. On my way back to the gym my heart was heavy.

As I slowed down the tie around my neck from the cape started to come undone.

My poor toddler. How traumatic to be frantically dragged into the childcare at the community center?

With the cape off I took the time to stop in and scoop up the sweet boy.

With the cape off I could see my need for repentance; to say I am sorry for kicking him through the door and into the arms of strangers.

In light of eternity, taking a minute to console my toddler is much more kingdom worthy than being punctual for a swimming lesson.

Finally poolside and I finally caught my oldest son’s eyes in the chaos of this morning.

He was sobbing.

With the superhero cape on and all the swooping, I officially damaged two of my children.

In my attempts to be a superhero I actually failed both the children I was trying to impress by getting them to their lesson on time.

My oldest left the pool and clung to me. Through his sobs he said, “Mommy, you left me and I couldn’t see you. I was scared.”

I did leave him. It was my fault. With the cape on I couldn’t see the effects of my superhero behavior. The cape was covering up the damage I was actually causing.

In light of eternity, being punctual for swimming lessons is not that important.

Sometimes when our intentions are good, when as moms we are trying to do what we think is the right thing for our kids, we actually hurt them in the process.

I was a disaster to my boys this morning all for the sake of swooping into a swimming lesson on time.

My superhero intentions were harmful.

The real superhero moments happened when I removed the cape. When I forgot about saving the day I was able to find that my kryptonite was actually inside of me.

“His power is made perfect in weakness. His grace is sufficient for me.”

The superhero moments of the gospel are the opportunities to cling to the fact that His grace is sufficient.

I am weak. I can’t hide behind the cape. God does not expect that of me.

When I untie the cape I can see His grace is sufficient for me.