I haven’t been married or parenting for very long according to most of your terms.
But the power of choice has saved me as a wife and as a mother.
In my life I have lived with mostly men. I have been married for almost a decade and I have three sons. Before my married life, I lived with my brother and because my mom passed away when I was fourteen, I had to try to learn to communicate with the opposite gender, my father, from a very young age.
For the last almost twenty years I have been communicating with mostly men and I have learned a special secret that seems to keep everyone happy.
The power of choice.
It is simple.
The power of choice has always worked for me in the past and now I find it working in my marriage to diffuse small conflicts with my sons, as young as eighteen months, when it comes down to meltdowns vs. happy places.
The power of choice.
What I have learned about myself:
I have learned as a woman that contrary to popular belief, I actually know exactly what I want. I know how I want it done, when I want it done and what kind of wrapping paper it should be in. I know that sometimes when things don’t go exactly the way I want them to go I tend to lose my cool. So, I have developed my system to make things eb-and-flow in our household a little more eb-and-flowish.
The power of choice.
What I have learned about men:
From the wise-aged-grandfather types to tiny-toddler-master-minds. If they are male, they want to feel like they made the final choice. They want to bang the gavel. The power helps them feel more male or something. This is not chauvinistic, or demeaning. Men just want to feel respected. Making the final choice helps them feel respected.
Men also really dislike being told what to do. Just giving orders like, do the dishes or take out the trash seem bring more agony to the task than the simplicity of the power of choice.
So in the most loving way, I have learned to turn over my power. For their respect and for my good.
I let the boys and my husband choose almost everything. It’s really simple and it can work for you too with the boys in your home.
How this plays out in our home:
With my husband I give him the power to choose.
“Hey honey, I need the dinner cleaned up and all four children need a bath. Which would you like to do?”
“Hey sweetheart, this diaper needs to be changed and the laundry needs to be folded, which do you choose?”
“Tonight we are going on a date, where would you like to go?”
Or the best, mother of all master plans, I give my husband a list of ten chores and I tell him to choose which four he would like to do. A scurvy twist on the honey do list. But after everything is finished everyone is happy.
With my sons this looks like:
“Which shirt would you like to wear?” ( I have chosen two acceptable choices and then they are allowed to bang the final gavel.)
“I am going to clean up this mess, would you like to be responsible for the legos or the action figures?”
“You have an assignment to do. Would you like to do it now, or would you like to wait until after you play?”
“You have to eat you dinner. Would you like to have three bites or five bites before you are allowed to have dessert?”
Truly, every battle you have with the males in your home can be made into some kind of choice.
And males love the power of choice.
The power of choice has saved me as a woman outnumbered in this home. If you are outnumbered or even if you have any males that you love in your home you need to know about the power of choice. It has saved me so many scuffles and actually, in it’s humble approach, has given me power.
You can do it too.
Give those boys the power to choose.
Make your life easier.
Tell others about the power of choice.
Sister, it will save you too.
Rachel Craddock 