Easter Was (Mostly) About The Dress

For as long as I can remember, Easter was about finding the perfect dress.

The perfect shoes.

The tights.

Sometimes even little white gloves and precious white hats.

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When Easter was coming every year, my sister and I have fond memories of dressing our best. We acted like debutantes. It felt so special every year to put on that new dress that my mother had carefully selected for us or my grandmother had carefully found and sent to us in the mail.

Easter was a special day and it required a certain kind of sprucing up. It wasn’t every day that a girl could put on white gloves, tights, a new smocked dress, fancy shoes and go to a fancy dinner in someone’s dining room. Easter was special day. Even when I was little my outfit told me Easter Sunday was the most important Sunday morning of the whole year. Debutante dresses were only for Easter. Oh dear those little gloves. And my sister in that hat. (Sorry, Ab, I think your eyes are closed in that one.)

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Even as teenagers, Easter was an opportunity to wear a special dress. After my mother had passed away my father was kind enough to see that this whole tradition of the proper dress was important. You can see my sister and I lost the white gloves and the white tights but as we grew but we still had that dress and we were still heading to my aunt’s house for Easter dinner after Easter Service on that very important Sunday morning.

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I am thankful for the gift of being able to have a new dress every Easter Sunday, as I know that is not everyone’s story. But new dress or not, for me the careful selection of the shoes, the dress, those white gloves and the hat every year marked that spring Sunday as an important one.

For as long as I can remember, Easter was about the dress. There was importance in that smocking and those white gloves for me when I was a little girl. It gave me a feeling of reverence for the Sunday of Easter before I even knew what reverence meant.

Even before I knew the power that could be found in the meaning of Easter, I found myself dressing up like it was the most important thing all year. On Easter Sunday I was able to dress and feel like I was a royal, precious princess right down to those sweet little gloves. I was carefully and especially dressed and waiting – longing for the good news of Easter Sunday to fall onto my ears and change my heart.

And now, as a grown mother of four I still have this part of me that wants to choose a special outfit each spring for the very special Sunday of Easter. That special Sunday when Jesus conquered death by rising from the dead, making it possible for me too to conquer death if I simply believe in the power of the Resurrection.

I still fuss over those very important outfits for my four young ones because Easter Sunday is something special and worth pulling out the white gloves and the debutante dresses.

I love lingering by the nursery counter and the preschool rooms too- a little longer- on Easter Sunday morning so I can see all the other little precious dresses, bow ties and shiny spring church shoes. All those little people dressed and waiting- longing to know why they are dressed up like this Sunday is the most important Sunday of the year.

Even when Easter was simply about the selection of a dress it gave me the tangible evidence that Easter was an important day. The pulling on of the white tights, the putting on of the smocked dress and the finishing touches of those fancy gloves and hats.

On Easter Sunday, the tomb was empty. That is important. An empty tomb sure is worth pulling out the white gloves for.

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Anyone else have pictures or memories like these?

Finding Fun

Not too long ago I fretted over everything parenting.

When I was pregnant I fretted over the size of my baby, I fretted over labor and delivery, my mind overflowed with the all consuming role of motherhood as I felt my toes dangling over the edge of my expectant role, not quite ready to jump in.

During the newborn years I fretted over tummy time, sleep schedules, appropriate amounts of Baby Einstein, Your Baby Can Read and how many times I could get through the Jesus Storybook Bible so the redemptive story of Jesus would begin to grow in their little newborn minds.

When they were infants it was the screen time and the fretting to make it out the door on time for story time at the library. (I don’t think we made it on time a single stinkin’ week.)

When they were toddlers I fretted about delayed walking and delayed speech and my heart would race when they mixed up their “Nello Mello Peas” mid alphabet song.

In preschool it was my boys being unable to sit still and concerns that they needed to be coloring more and digging for worms less.

And the fretting over whether my sons would ever begin to use the toilet??? I can’t even talk about it. That was a dark, dark place for me.

Then something wonderful happened. I stopped fretting. I’m not completely recovered, I am a recovering fretter, the relapses are hard. But I have consciously made an effort to stop checking the milestone charts and have some more fun.

When I find myself fretting. I try to replace it with fun.

We sing and dance in the kitchen more, we take more impromptu trips to the donut shop on Saturday mornings and sometimes this mommy who said no wrestling would ever occur in her house will find herself wrestling with my three boys on our living room floor WWF Smack Down Style.

I have found a road to recovery from the fretting when spend more time beating my boys at Smash Brothers than thinking about whether they will survive kindergarten.

I believe recovery from living under the yoke of fretting is absolutely necessary for me as a mother. I could fret the days away and let them pass without ever finding fun.

I hope that I am not too late in this journey of finding fun and once my children are grown and gone they will remember how I was able to enjoy them, right where they were, wrestled on the floor or knee deep in the mud.

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So I’m recovering from fretting and reaching for fun.

As a step toward finding more fun this year I have been surprising my boys at the bus stop randomly in costume. This started innocently when my Halloween Costume, Queen Amidala, arrived fifteen minutes before the bus came one day  in the fall. I tried the costume on and as the bus came up the road I figured it would be fun to meet my kindergartner in costume.

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Then randomly in December I tried to ease into the idea of Bus Stop Dress Up by using a superhero mask.

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In February I tried a Mario Brothers Hat because my preschooler had joined my kindergartener on the bus and my preschooler loves Mario.

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On St. Patrick’s Day I began to build up a little more courage and tried a hat “costume” which was a little more risky but I need something green so I found a Yoda costume hat in the dress up trunk.

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And the latest bus stop costume was the riskiest. I was in full costume. White hooded sweatshirt, black leggings, tall boots and a toy Boba Fett Blaster. I’m not even a Star Wars fan but I have three sons so I’ve had to learn the names of all these different battle weapons.

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I left guns and lightsabers in the yard so they could shoot and slash back at me. This was a really fun one.

And I’m planning something really big for the last day of school.

I also have big plans for my third son once he starts riding the bus and I am saving all the princess costume ideas for when my daughter reaches kindergarten age four years from now.

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At first I fretted over this, what will the neighbors think? What will the bus driver think? What will my kids think? Will I traumatize them? But honestly, the neighbors laugh kindly and wave if they drive by, the bus driver and I have become good friends over this whole thing and my sons love it. It helps that they are the first drop off in the afternoon. They probably think everyone gets picked up by someone in costume.

And the fun cures the fretting. How could you not love shooting at your sons with toy guns when they get off the bus?

I fretted over the other stuff for too many years. And all my fretting was forward thinking. I was fretting forward instead of enjoying what I had right in my lap. I literally had a present in my lap and I was so busy fretting I forgot to have fun.

Hopefully fun can find me permanently and I can become completely recovered from the fretting.

Hopefully it’s not too late for me.

The Joy Of Making Memories

Every day I have the opportunity to make memories with my children. Somedays with my little family can overwhelm me but then there are moments when I find myself stepping back and seeing a bigger picture.

Every day we are making memories.

It’s amazing to think that the task of creating childhood memories for four people is in my hands each day. Every day as I parent, I get the privilege of helping my children build the memories of their childhood. It is a privilege and a privilege I only have for a short time.

It brings me so much more joy to think about my days with my young kids this way. When I think about making memories for them it gives me a long term purpose for what I am building for them as their mother. When I think of making memories it gives me more joy than to look at an empty space of a day and think of tasks I can create to fill it up.

We make snow day memories, warm day memories, Friday night memories and Saturday morning memories. It is such a privilege to be involved in these moments that my children will one day talk to their children and grandchildren about.

Childhood doesn’t go on forever but the memories do.

I know because my grandmother still talks to me about the memories from her childhood.

When childhood ends, the memories will go on forever. 

On Fridays we make movie night memories and pile the blankets and pillows all over the floor, sometimes we have pizza and popcorn on paper towels, sometimes cookies and apple juice.

When daddy is home from work my three sons make “man time” memories of swimming or going out to the park.

Some Saturday mornings we head to the doughnut shop in our pajamas.

"The doughnut shop in your pajamas with your brothers...this is what Saturday morning memories are made of."

“The doughnut shop in your pajamas with your brothers…this is what Saturday morning memories are made of.”

On Sundays after church we make memories to see who can race upstairs the fastest to put on their cozy clothes before lunch.

In the spring we make memories in the sand at the beach and in the summertime we make memories at my grandparent’s house on Lake George.

My favorite memories are the simple ones we make every morning when all my children pile up in my bed before we have to get moving for school. I sip my coffee and while they are all still little enough they all snuggle up close. I know these days will be over soon but what a privilege it is to make the memories while we can.

"My heart is full every morning to see my family wall snuggled up like this."

“My heart is full every morning to see my family wall snuggled up like this.”

I find so much more joy in my days with my children when I see the opportunity to make memories.

This day is the day we have to build the memories of childhood.

What a privilege we have as parents to help build the memories that will go on forever. 

How I Began To Feel Free: Busyness

I recently read the article, Busy Is A Sickness on Huffington Post Parents by Scott Dannemiller. As I read the article I can’t help but whisper the word “yes” aloud as I relate to every word.

I have the sickness too. It is the tendency of my heart to be discontent with just being.

Two years ago I attended a training and two women stood in front of the large group. One woman held her two hands into the air to illustrate the image of a small person trying to hold up a big world. She simply asked the question, “What happens when you let go?”

I gasped and externally processed the shocking truth of how I see myself. I replied in shock, “The world would fall on me. The world will crush me if I let go.”

It was in that moment that I heard out loud the way I view myself. I see myself as big. I see myself as the one who holds up the world.

I wasn’t able to feel free from the heavy yoke of busy until I realized I was small. Even when I let go of my world, it will still keep spinning. I was able to feel freedom from the weight of busyness when I finally recognized the simple truth: I don’t hold up the world. 

So I put my hands down for an entire year. (How Saying No Is Leading Me To More Yes) I gave up the extras. I let the sign up sheet pass by when it was time to sign up for room mom and Sunday School teacher, small group leader, and hosting events.

It was hard to take a year and watch the world spin without me having my hands in the things I love but it was a great opportunity to reflect on my heart that is bent toward the busyness I control. When I was able to let go and put my hands down, the world did not fall apart. God brought in people even more talented than I could ever be to lead small groups, teach Sunday School and sign up to be classroom coordinator. When I put my hands down, God kept the world moving and God raised up stronger leaders.

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When I realized the world would keep on moving without my name on the sign up list, I could breathe and for one year I just tried to focus on the very important things God has already given to me: my faith, my marriage and my children. In that year I was able to focus on the things that do in fact suffer when I am too busy to pay attention to them. 

I went on more dates with my husband, I yelled the word “hurry” less and I just enjoyed my children without all the extras.

This year I have found my name back on the sign up list. I am teaching Sunday School, leading a small group and I am the classroom coordinator for my son’s kindergarten class. After a year of realizing I don’t hold up the world I have been able to come back and serve with a heart that sees myself with a proper lens: I am small. The year off has enabled me to hold onto the extras a little more loosely.

I am teaching Sunday School with two other amazing women

I am leading a small group with a team of women.

I am a small classroom coordinator that hands out a sign up sheet for the other parents to lead the games, crafts and snacks at the class parties.

I am a small person inviting others into my life to come alongside and help me.

Busy Is a Sickness. I will always have it and I will always struggle with the pangs of busyness unless I fight to see myself with the proper lens.

Who holds up your world? Will you allow yourself to feel free?

The Mark Of A Mother

Today as I was sitting in the bright white room at the doctor’s office talking to my beloved pediatrician about my fifteen month old daughter at her well check up, my daughter dug her nails into the exposed skin below my neckline and drug her hands passed my heart all the way down to the squared neckline of my green Old Navy tee.

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An hour after the incident.

 

I swore I was bleeding. I kept talking to my pediatrician but, at the same time, checking the part of my upper chest for blood. My daughter was smiling as she as she hurt me but I still swear that sweet child of mine may have been out for blood.

I have a bleeding heart for my children. I love them so much it hurts.

Mothers are just like that. All mothers. Breastfeeding mothers, bottle feeding mothers, working mothers, stay at home mothers, organic mothers and drive thru mothers. I am or know all of those kinds of mothers so I know its true.

We all have bleeding hearts for our kids. We all love them so much it hurts.

When my daughter straight up assaulted me in front of our pediatrician I literally gasped in pain but then smiled and went about our regular check up. I also probably kissed my daughter and told her how much I loved her as we left the office more than I can even count.

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The Mark of a Mother is deeper than the marks on their skin or their ego. The Mark of a Mother loves the unloveable. The Mark of a Mother takes the pain inflicted from a sweet child and says,

I don’t care how much you just hurt me, I still want to smooch your face off. 

The Mark of a Mother knows our days are few.

You know you are a mother when the pain from your child, the blood on your hands of the stain on your ego does not change your love for them. The love for a child from a mother is unconditional and never ending.

The Mark of a Mother feels the pain and loves anyway.

That is the dangerous calling we have all been given. To love in the hurt. It is natural for us to do so. That is the Mark of a Mother.

Today when I checked out at the receptionist’s desk she gasped, Did someone scratch you?  

I nodded, yeah. Kids do things like this. 

I really don’t care. Of course, I want my children to grow to respect me but even if they don’t (and that could happen) even if they continue to scratch the surface of my heart… I will love them with a ferocious love anyway.

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You hear that kids, no matter what you try to do to hurt me, I love you and I will try to smooch your face off anyway. 

This is the Mark of a Mother.

I see you moms and know you have that ferocious Mark of a Mother too.